


Where I belong

by callmenewbie



Series: Lost hearts in the dead of night [2]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Calm Before The Storm, Established Relationship, M/M, Sort Of, a bit of angst, but mainly domestic fluff, intuitive Ciri, soothsayer!Jaskier, winter in kaer morhen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24010495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmenewbie/pseuds/callmenewbie
Summary: He thought about how they used to travel together on and off with Geralt, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months, but eventually their ways always parted. Jaskier knew he had to talk about these dreams sooner or later, but he was worried that however promising it seemed what was blooming between them, when winter ends, Geralt might just leave him behind again. What would be the point of telling him then?OrJaskier spends the winter in Kaer Morhen with the other witchers and Ciri. Everything is great, except when asking for help, he only gets more uncertain about his own nature.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: Lost hearts in the dead of night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705615
Comments: 8
Kudos: 290





	Where I belong

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> So here is the promised second part of the series that serves like a bridge between the two multichapter stories.  
> As mentioned above this is not a standalone piece, although it can be read as one, I'd suggest reading the first part; [Long and Lost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685097) first.
> 
> And as always; I sincerely hope you'll like it! :)

The days in Kaer Morhen were windy and harsh, but the nights were warm and tender. Geralt spent most of his days training Ciri how to use a sword with the help of Lambert, who seemed to be even a bigger believer of tough love, than Geralt himself, making Jaskier spending his afternoons by tending to Ciri’s cuts and bruises, which she took heroically.

Eskel didn’t help much with her training, but loved to spend his time by playing jokes on Jaskier, his favourite being jumping out of places where the bard least expected him. Jaskier tried to like him, but he wasn’t a big fan of these sort of pranks, although when Geralt assured him that this was Eskel’s way of accepting Jaskier into their pack, it did warm his heart. Also made him plan the perfect counterattack; one night he sneaked into his room while he was asleep and banged two pans against each other very loudly, just by head. As mad as the witcher was at first, he acknowledged that it was indeed a great move on Jaskier’s part.

Every evening all the witchers, Ciri and Jaskier sat down for dinner together. Vesemir, the oldest of them all seemed to find great delight in their company and if Jaskier wanted to be honest, despite the knowing glint in his eyes, he didn’t look that much older than the others.

Jaskier tried to keep busy, as he had most of the days for himself. He asked the other witchers to tell him stories and for his delight they were much more talkative than Geralt. Especially Lambert, who even played them out, swinging his sword around and running from left to right, playing himself and the monsters at the same time.

Vesemir had the most incredible tales from his youth, when beasts were even more common. He told Jaskier about creatures he never even heard of before, as they were extinct since.

It turned out that the old witcher had a great passion for cooking, which Jaskier thought was probably due to the fact that he enjoyed that there was someone to cook for and with – as the bard helped out every night. The keep was surprisingly well stocked up, although Jaskier suspected that was how Vesemir readied himself for the winter company over the year.

They had a sort of pantry outside, where they kept beans, peas and other vegetables and even a quite impressive amount of meat, alongside with some cheese and butter. Jaskier hoped for enough food to last the winter months; but it wasn’t just enough, it could last them until the next melting and it was much better food that he ate anywhere outside of court too.

Their diner and their rooms were kept warm by the fire in the hearths, but the hallways were freezing cold with the wind seeping through the window edges and the ice blocking the glass.

All in all, Jaskier felt like he finally, finally found home. And family.

But despite all of that there were a lot of things on his mind in the past two weeks they’ve spent in Kaer Morhen. One of them being a new dream that he didn’t even mention to Geralt, which made him feel like he was lying to him again. Of course he wasn’t lying before per se, just didn’t tell him about being a soothsayer. He wasn’t even sure what did the dream even mean.

He hoped he could get some answers from Vesemir, but he didn’t broach the subject just yet. He knew that sooner or later that talk had to happen. Especially because he was sure Geralt will notice something was amiss, if he hadn’t already.

*

_He couldn’t see anything, but white all over anywhere he turned his head; it was like being blinded by pure light._

_His other senses were overwhelmed; his entire body was aching with pain he couldn’t originate from anywhere and he felt horrible fear and despair encircling him. He also picked up the strong smell of blood, smoke and burned flesh._

_The worst part was hearing the muffled sounds and screams around him, death surrounding him from every angle and then there was a voice, amongst all the hubbub; someone calling his name over and over again. He knew that voice, he knew it so well, yet he couldn’t put a finger on it._

_He felt something inside of him change, something that no mortal on this plane could ever experience. An otherworldly touch, making his body and his soul feel too light and too heavy at the very same time._

*

Jaskier had this dream nearly every night now. He never had recurring dreams before and he didn’t even know what it meant. But he had a pretty good guess and that wasn’t something pleasant to think about at all.

He woke up feeling frustrated and angry. He looked beside himself; under the furs they shared, Geralt slept peacefully and it eased his mood just a little. His white hair was spread out around his head on the pillow, almost like a halo, his lips slightly parted and his breathing slow. Jaskier could never get enough of watching him, either asleep or awake.

He climbed out of bed, pulled his coat over his chemise and slipped into his boots. He stepped out into the freezing cold hallways and even under his thick fur-coat he could feel the wind brazing his skin. He hoped it would help putting his head right.

He leaned against a windowsill and watched the darkness stretching across the mountains. The light of the moon and the stars danced on the snow that covered everything. It was quiet, save for an occasional cry of wolves, owls and animals Jaskier couldn’t – and didn’t want to – recognise.

What he tried to avoid thinking about the most crept up on him, as it normally did in quiet moments like this.

He thought about how they used to travel together on and off with Geralt, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months, but eventually their ways always parted. Jaskier knew he had to talk about these dreams sooner or later, but he was worried that however promising it seemed what was blooming between them, when winter ends, Geralt might just leave him behind again. What would be the point of telling him then?

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Came a hoarse voice behind him and suddenly a familiar body pressed against his back and Geralt hugged him across his stomach, putting his chin on Jaskier’s shoulder and breathed a soft kiss onto the shell of his ear.

“I woke up.” Jaskier stated the obvious and Geralt hummed lowly.

“That would be one condition of not sleeping.” Geralt said cockily. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” he opted for a half-lie. “I thought maybe some cold air would help.”

Geralt stayed silent for a moment and Jaskier could practically feel his scepticism, which was understandable really, but he still wasn’t sure how he should bring up the subject.

“You never told me what kept you” Geralt murmured into his shoulder thoughtfully.

“Aah. Well, yeah. That’s actually something we should talk about.” Jaskier said as he turned around in his arms. “I think.”

Geralt raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“It never happened before, or since actually, but. I had these dreams, visions if you will and they didn’t let me go, I just couldn’t wake up for days and now I have this recurring dream that I just don’t understand.” Geralt put a finger on his lips to stop the rambling and looked at him with a grave expression.

“Jaskier, this sounds serious.”

“Yeah, thought you might say that.” Jaskier admitted as he examined the simple embroidery around the buttons on Geralt’s shirt.

“We’ll ask Vesemir tomorrow. He should know more about these things.” Geralt put his thumb under his chin and lifted it up, so their eyes could meet.

“Yeah, I hope.” Jaskier whispered.

Geralt studied his face for a few moments.

“You should go back to sleep.” He sounded worried and however heart-warming that was, it was really the last thing Jaskier needed right now. So he just smiled at him sweetly in response.

“Well we could go back to bed,” he imitated walking with his fingers on the witcher’s bicep, “but sleeping is not the first thing that comes to mind.”

“No?” Geralt smiled at him knowingly.

*

The next afternoon, while Ciri was out training with Lambert with the rare help of Eskel, Jaskier and Geralt approached Vesemir with their questions.

He didn’t seem surprised by the very least when they told him what Jaskier truly was and Geralt was sure that this wasn’t the only secret the eldest witcher saw through easily.

“Aah, soothsayers were always a mysterious bunch and there were quite a few frivolous liars amongst the ones I knew.” Vesemir said and Geralt snorted, winning a jab into his ribs by Jaskier’s elbow.

Vesemir looked thoughtful for a moment, rubbing his hand over his short beard.

“Well, it’s not – or should I say – was not uncommon that soothsayers had a problem with either sleep or waking up, I’m not an expert, but the few I knew were talking about these sort of irregularities becoming more common before their transfiguration, most of them advised each other to stay in one place and wait it out.”

“Excuse me” Jaskier said with a high-pitched voice. “Transfiguration? You mean like… changes?” He turned to Geralt with a desperate look in his eyes. “Geralt, am I going to turn into a monster? None of the books mentioned _that_.”

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” Geralt asked more than stated and looked at Vesemir for help, but he just shook his head slowly.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.” Vesemir said apologetically.

“What? Why not? I have the right to know if I’m turning into some sort of horrible creature!” Jaskier whined indignantly, panic lacing his words.

“You misunderstand. I cannot tell you, because I don’t know. I never met a soothsayer who has been actually through it.”

“Great, that’s just great. For all I know I’m going to grow hooves by the morning.” He complained, watching his hands, probably checking if the changes have already started.

“I’m sure that would have been in your books.” Geralt said reassuringly, but Jaskier just seemed even more upset.

“Yeah, well, what do you know?” He demanded coldly and strode out of the room.

Geralt buried his face into his palms, he was already guessing just how long will it take him to get back into Jaskier’s good graces.

“You got your hands full, son.” Vesemir smirked at him knowingly and Geralt felt decades younger under his gaze.

“Don’t I know it?” He looked up at him with a fond smile.

That night Geralt found Jaskier huddled up by the fire in their room, gazing into it intently. It was almost time for dinner, yet he wasn’t helping out in the kitchen; he must be really down on himself.

“Are you alright?” Geralt prompted carefully as he sat down beside him.

“Yeah, I guess. It’s just… a lot.” Jaskier whispered without even looking at him.

“I understand.” Geralt said quietly.

“Do you?” Jaskier asked a little harshly, but he didn’t think it was directed at him entirely. “Because all I know is that I might turn into something horrible enough that you have to kill me. Are you gonna be so understanding then?”

“I’m sure it won’t come to that.” Geralt told him firmly and finally the bard looked at him.

“How are you so sure?”

“Because there is just no way that can happen.”

Jaskier’s eyes widened and Geralt gave a soft kiss on his forehead, then he pulled back with a playful smile.

“Worst case scenario; I’ll imprison you here.”

Jaskier gasped in mock-offense and it was enough for Geralt to know that the bard felt at least a little better about their situation now. And he meant what he said; it won’t come to that, because he won’t let it.

*

Weeks and months have passed and there were less and less cuts, but more and more bruises to treat on Ciri, as she became quite adept with the sword.

Jaskier smeared salve onto her newest bruise on her forehead that only started to redden, but it would sure turn purple by tomorrow.

She was sitting on the dining table as Jaskier tended to her, dangling her legs down the edge.

“Jaskier?” Ciri started, while he smeared some soothing oils into his palms.

“Yeah?”

Ciri pulled on her shirt a little to give him access to her shoulder, where she still had a nasty cut from last week, still healing.

“Are you and Geralt a couple?”

Jaskier’s hands froze in midmotion and he had no idea what to say. Geralt didn’t tell him to keep it a secret, but he wasn’t going around telling anyone either, so Jaskier just assumed he’d like to keep it quiet. But he didn’t want to lie to Ciri, even in the short amount of time he’d known her, she nestled herself into his heart and became a part of his weird, new family.

He sighed.

“I think it’s more complicated than that.” He continued to administer the oils onto her wound.

“But do you love him?”

Jaskier thought about this for a second, before he nodded.

“Yeah, I do.”

“And does he love you?” She asked and Jaskier wondered if she was just distracted by the conversation or she was becoming more resilient for pain, as she didn’t make a noise, unlike every other time he tended to her wounds.

“I… I don’t know.” He answered honestly and Ciri hummed thoughtfully.

“I think he does. You know he never said anything specific, but… I don’t know, just the way he talked about you, I could tell.”

Jaskier didn’t know what to say, so he stayed quiet. He pulled up Ciri’s shirt to cover her up.

“I’m glad there is someone who loves him. He’s been so lonely.” She said as she hopped off the table and Jaskier just stared at her in surprise. “You know, I don’t think it’s that complicated.”

And with that she walked away, leaving Jaskier standing there, confused.

Later that night Jaskier was sitting on the edge of their bed as Geralt put more logs on the fire to make it last at least for a few more hours.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Geralt noted, still with his back turned to him and Jaskier studied his lines thoughtfully.

“I had an interesting conversation with Ciri today.”

Geralt turned around, but instead of saying anything he only signalled with a raise of his eyebrow for him to continue.

“Well, she asked me if we were a… couple” Jaskier started awkwardly, still not knowing what to expect from Geralt.

“Hm.”

“And I said… and then she asked me if we loved each other and…” Jaskier trailed off, feeling suddenly embarrassed, because this wasn’t something they talked about before. There was obviously something between them, but Jaskier didn’t know just how fleeting it was for Geralt and he was too scared to ask.

The witcher walked over to the bed and sat down next to him.

“And what did you tell her?” Geralt’s tone was neutral, not giving away anything.

“I told her that it’s complicated.” It wasn’t a lie, if not the whole truth.

Geralt made a noncommittal noise in response.

“I mean… We haven’t talked about this before, I didn’t really know what to tell her.”

For a few, long moments Geralt stayed silent, deep in thought, before his eyes zoned in on Jaskier’s.

“Do you think it is?” He asked and seeing Jaskier’s confused expression, he clarified: “Complicated?”

Jaskier pulled his hands into his lap, fixed his gaze on them and started to speak quietly.

“I know how I feel, but we never really discussed what’ll happen after the winter. So I suppose it’s uncertain at the very least.”

Geralt put his thumb under his chin, lifting up his face and looking at him with such an open expression, Jaskier suddenly felt a reflexive, irrational fear that their connection might get severed at any minute.

“ _Nothing_ is going to change after the winter. I thought you knew this, but you are very important to me. You always were.” Geralt said softly and Jaskier was practically absorbing his words. “I guess I’m gonna have to be more outward about these things.”

It took Jaskier a couple of seconds to collect himself.

“I hope you are serious, because I don’t think I can ever stop loving you.” He tried before, oh how he tried, for so long, years and decades and he just fell harder, if that was even possible.

Geralt seemed taken aback, but then his lines softened into a smile.

“I don’t think it’s complicated at all.”

“You know, Ciri said the same thing to me earlier.”

“She’s a smart kid.”

“That she is.” Jaskier agreed proudly.

*

Quite honestly Jaskier could stay here for much longer than just the winter. Of course eventually he’d miss the people and performing and all of that. But he’ll also miss the keep, the quietness and the love and family it provided. He will miss the witchers and Ciri and will worry himself sick to see them again. He trusted the witchers’ ability to take care of themselves, but he couldn’t mute his instinctive worries.

Geralt told him that Yennefer should be in the keep taking care of Ciri’s magical training in a couple of months and reassured him that the next time they’d come around here, they’ll take Ciri with themselves. That did not reassure Jaskier at all, because training or not she was still way too young to be involved in such dark matters that the world had to offer for witchers.

So just a few more months would have been lovely, but Geralt and the other witchers must return to their path and Jaskier will go with them. Geralt told Jaskier that he had to do some training as well, because they were still in the dark about his capabilities and didn’t even know anything about his so-called transfiguration. Also in the past few weeks Jaskier had strong visions more and more often and twice he stayed in bed for two days straight dwelling in them, as no one was able to wake him.

Jaskier was nervous, but tried not to show it around the others, but it was hard to do so with people who could practically smell your feelings and a child as intuitive as Ciri. But blissfully none of them commented on it, save for Geralt who tried to assure him that it would be fine, no matter what and he really wanted to believe him, if not for the fact that he seemed just as worried as Jaskier himself.

So here came the last night in the keep. Jaskier and Vesemir prepared a feast with two different venison and soup and stew, Jaskier even spent his afternoon with baking fresh bread and preparing food for the road for all of them that would at least last a couple of days.

They ate loudly, noises of chewing mixed with laughter and shouting, jokes and playful mockery. Jaskier looked around and his eyes landed on _his_ witcher, the only one not taking part in the commotion, just staring at Jaskier quietly. He tried to decipher the look on his face, but it was hard, it was closest to concern but there was just something else, an extra twinkle in his eyes that Jaskier couldn’t quite understand.

Ciri jabbed her elbow into his side and suddenly he found himself in the middle of an argument that held no solid grounds, nor any serious intentions, taking his focus away from Geralt.

That night Geralt took him slowly and more tenderly than ever; it was almost like he feared he’ll lose Jaskier if he just blinks too long and he understood perfectly. Here, they were free. Free to touch, free to just be themselves. But as soon as they’d leave the keep behind, they’ll leave all of that behind too. The obvious touches, soft stolen kisses, not being worried if anyone caught them. As soon as they made it to Vespaden they will only be able to do any of that behind closed doors.

Morning came too soon and they all stood by the gate, their saddlebags full of restocked potions, ingredients, food and drinks. Vesemir stood there with Ciri, looking them out. Ciri tried to play tough but Jaskier could tell it was hard on her too. Staying here, alone with only Vesemir, who might be a great company in general, but a teenage girl might need much more than that. Yennefer would be here too sooner or later, she must be excited for that.

The witchers shook hands with Vesemir and hugged him briefly, patting him on the back. Leaving only Jaskier and Geralt to say goodbye.

Jaskier hugged Ciri tightly, both of them wrestling with their tears.

“I’ll write, I promise. And with all this training the year will fly by, you’ll see. We’ll be back in no time.” Jaskier told him as he propped his chin on the top of her head, feeling her nod and hearing her sniffle.

“Take care of yourself. And him too.” Ciri said as she pulled back, jabbing her thumb in the general direction of Geralt who looked at them frowning.

Jaskier gave a kiss on her forehead and hugged her once more quickly, then moved on to say goodbye to Vesemir, letting Geralt pull Ciri on the side.

“Thank you, for everything.” Jaskier said sincerely and Vesemir just nodded solemnly.

“I wish I could’ve helped more, but you are truly one of a kind, I must say.”

Jaskier grinned at him widely and shook his head.

“Oh never mind that, the tales I’m going to sing, you’ll see, it’ll make you famous all around the Continent!”

Vesemir just smiled at him under his moustache lightly. Jaskier suspected that fame meant little to nothing to the old witcher, but still.

He looked over to Geralt, who was crouching down to level with Ciri, talking to her seriously.

“That boy is lucky that he found you.” Vesemir said and Jaskier snapped his head back at him. He could never imagine he’d ever hear anyone calling Geralt a 'boy'. The older witcher’s face was almost stoic, no sign of his previous smile. “Take care of each other. There are very few second chances in life.”

Jaskier wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but he believed him nonetheless. He nodded to him instead of saying anything else.

Geralt pulled Ciri into a big hug, holding her tightly, but tenderly and Jaskier could see how her tears found their ways down on her cheek.

“And you’ll take care of her, right? I know she’s tougher than she looks… but she’s still young. She needs a family.”

“Then it’s good, she already has one” was all he said and then Geralt returned to them. He nodded one more time for Vesemir and deliberately didn’t look back at Ciri, who was walking behind him. Jaskier was sure that he’ll miss her just as much as she’ll miss them.

On his way Geralt put his hand on Jaskier’s back, pushing him lightly towards the horses.

They all mounted the horses and left with a last wave of their hands. Jaskier tried to memorise the picture as Vesemir stood there, like a statue with his hands clasped in front of himself and Ciri waving at them as the morning sun shone on the drying tears on her cheek.

It will be a year unlike another before, he knew it already. With everything going on between him and Geralt, the uncertain mess of his powers and the hollow pit in his heart until he’d see Ciri again.

Jaskier still thought about the times, when he could only see Geralt at his nightly visits. It was only months ago and so much changed since. But he was hopeful that after everything was said and done, when the year has passed they’d return to Kaer Morhen and share their experiences and tales with each other, sitting around the table as a family again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you reached the end, thank you so much for reading, I appreciate your time!
> 
> If you liked this one, you might enjoy my other works in this fandom, here are some of them:  
> [Hunger at last](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23451478) \- modern AU with magic  
> [The Companion](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23280208) \- decades past since their fight on the mountain, yet Jaskier doesn't look a day older  
> [Of Banquets and Destinies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23266564) \- Destiny leaves crumbs for Geralt to follow, so he can find his bard
> 
> As you all know kudos and comments are love and power and I always love to hear from you guys!  
> Stay safe everyone!


End file.
